oh my god, this is so wonderful.
jesus, thank you so much.
thank you very much. i also felt ready to share because i’ve learned that it’s not something to be ashamed about. i don’t feel guilty anymore. a lot of people perpetuate the idea that it’s a self inflicted disease, which it is not. at no point did i make a conscious decision to let that happen to me, and even if i had, it would be the fault of every disgusting message bombarding me 24/7 telling me i’m not good enough and my body isn’t good enough and will never be good enough. so i’m definitely not ashamed to talk about my anorexia anymore and anyone who would judge me for that is not worth a second of my time :-(
yes i am. good days for me are a little bit hard because it’s been overwhelming and emotional and at times pretty gross so usually i wake up feeling one way and go to bed feeling the opposite. but here are some things i’ve been able to do that i couldn’t when i was sick that make me so, so happy:
the first is frederick! frederick (my pug) was a present from my parents for going into recovery. so being able to take care of him, take him on walks, train him, love him…just care for another being, has been amazing.
getting all dolled up to go to a cute restaurant with my mum or my friends or on a date and order whatever looks the yummiest on the menu. getting popcorn at the cinema if i want it. going out for breakfast and getting eggs with my friends. baking with my mum and licking all the mixing spoons or eating raw cookie dough. having my sex drive come back and falling in love with people again and being able to treat them the way they deserve to be treated. being able to take nude photos and send them to someone if i want to. ordering pizza with my mum and curling up all night watching movies in the basement. going on walks to meet my friends or just walks by myself (towards the end i was so close to organ failure that i wasn’t even allowed to go on a 20 minute calm walk outside). being able to write, paint, draw, sing and record a lot (i did these things when i was sick, but it was miserable for me and i never had fun doing it). having my hair grow back. getting my breasts back. not being so fucking cold or sleepy all the time. going to a fair and being able to eat delicious fair food. splitting desserts with my best friend.
i guess most of these are food related but i guess that’s also the point. i was so starving for a year and missed these kinds of things so much. so much.
i just thought of a good day! sorry this is so long. anyway my good day was when i was in Florida: my parents and i went out for breakfast, i got oatmeal and a banana and a biscuit, then we went to an antique town and went into every single shop, then they drove me out to a huge second hand store where we found tons of amazing things, then we went to an old old family restaurant and i got a tuna sandwich, then i went on a walk in the rain (it’s always so hot and stormy in the summer there but really beautiful) in our neighborhood and i met a boy who was fishing with a friend at a pond and we ended up becoming kind of romantically involved for a while, he told me i was very beautiful that night, and when i went back home it was dark and i was so happy and content and i sat out in the backyard until the morning writing a short story i really really love even now! yeah that was a good day. i also ate some donuts!!!
thank you so much. and ugh, i hate my belly button!!! i hate all belly buttons, mine has to be covered at all times or i feel really oogy and awful and i hate looking at other people’s belly buttons too
well thank you so much for ignoring the nerves and messaging me because this cheered me up immensely and you are so kind and you shouldn’t be thanking me, i should be thanking you! i hope your difficult time is over and i wish you all the best sweet one
this is so kind! but you are lovely just as you are.
thank you so much lovely.
i’m very lucky to have met such wonderful people through this site u_u
i would be ok with this.